breaking up is hard to do?

You can't, I'm discovering, just decide to completely change your personality, and have it happen, bang.

Okay, I wasn't talking about changing my personality, just my attitude ... the thing is, I'm beginning to see the difference isn't that clear-cut. I thought it would be easy. God knows I've spent most of my life pretending to be a happy-go-lucky, cheerful, optimistic, frivolous soul. So why should it be so hard to make it be for real?

Maybe that's the trouble. Maybe I'm too used to pretending.

I can pretend -- I still know how to do that. I guess ... I was hoping my pretending days were past. They were for a while. I don't know what's pushed me back to my old self ...

Yeah, I do, I guess. It's the whole Leanne thing. I want her in my life, but ... on my terms, I guess. Maybe I should just break it off.