i'm back

I can't believe it's been over two months since I touched this. I don't know why I stopped; I just got busy with other stuff, and then ... I lost the habit, I guess. And school started and all that.

But I've missed it. I'm not sure why -- I have plenty of friends, you know. It's not like I don't have people to talk to.

Maybe it's because it's relaxing to talk without worrying about the other person's reaction. You know, angst-ing over what people will think of you, or whether you'll hurt them, or whatever.

I don't know what's happening with me and Leanne (there's an interesting mental association -- and yeah, I guess worrying about hurting her is head of my list right now). I think she wants us to be closer, maybe not "commitment" as such -- okay, maybe that is what she wants. Or maybe she just wants me to open up more. But I don't think I can. I mean, if she realized how far I'd come ... how incredible it was I'd got so far with her ... but she doesn't, and I can't tell her, cos that would mean telling her all the things I can't tell her ...

You know, this really isn't helping.