I wish he'd get here soon

Well, he agreed. Paul, that is. He doesn't know whether it'll work, but he's trying to call him. If only the guy would take a phone or something! But ... I guess there's only two things that he figures he'd need to know -- if either Paul or me needed him -- and he probably figures, in that slightly screwed up way of his, that he'd know that.

Sometimes I wish he was sane.

God, I feel a traitor saying that. I didn't even know I was going to. I should delete it I guess, but ... hell, I said it, and I guess it's true, and isn't this the whole reason I do this blog -- I mean, whatever I write about, what it's really about is ... therapy, I guess. Hey, it's not like anyone's listening.

Still, when Mike gets back I think I will ask him not to read it. He'll respect that. And that's pretty cool, that I can trust him that much. Only person on the planet. Well, apart from Paul I guess -- kinda the same thing.

I had Leanne sobbing in my arms last night. She really loves her grandma. No way can I even suggest that maybe this is the way she'd like to go. I feel lousy even thinking about it. But, really, if you felt your mind going, if you didn't know your family, you knew it was all just going to get worse ... sitting there in a diaper, brain out to lunch ... would you want to hang around for that?

I don't know. But I wish Mike would get here soon.