I see that some newspaper editors censored Doonesbury's cartoons recently. Apparently he's had the President calling Rove "Turd Blossom". It kills me, you know, how there's this whole "Freedom of the Press" myth that the media propogate, when, you know, the media themselves seem to spend half their time censoring themselves.

Not in the places where I think they should censor themselves, either. I mean, they worry about political stuff like this, but I think it would be more to the point if they stopped fixating on all the graphic violence they think the public is clamoring to see. Even if they are (and personally, I know lots of people who are disgusted by it), that doesn't mean the media should give into it. I'm not one of those don't-let-kids-watch-TV, stop-those-violent-video-games types, but I do know all about what happens when you feed an appetite for violence.

Okay, didn't mean to go there. But really ... people would feel a lot more secure if they didn't have terrible things pushed in their faces all the time.

Rant over.

spreading joy

Ok, my last couple of posts weren't exactly the cheeriest. I guess I'm on the depressive part of my cycle (joke: I'm not bipolar -- and isn't that weird, that you can say something like that, and assume the other person will understand? Our society's in thrall to do-it-yourself therapy.)

Anyway, in the interest of cheering you up -- ok, cheering myself up, since I doubt anyone's out there -- here's some funny stuff; places I go when I'm down.

Dave Barry's always totally reliable; love that guy (and not just because of his name!). Check out his column - sadly at the moment they're reruns of old columns, because he's taking the year off (and I don't know how he's lasted this long; I mean, churning out a humor column every week for I don't know how many years, wow -- I've got major respect for the guy. Being funny isn't as easy as it looks.) Anyway, if you're like me and have read everything he's written, it's still funny to read them again. And if you're new to him, well, you've got a treat in store! Check out his books, too. And, if you want a daily hit of weird and funny stuff, check out his blog.

I think you've got to register to read his column; it's in the Miami Herald. If you don't want to do that, remember our good old friend BugMeNot (link in the sidebar).

Then there's Randy Cassingham's weird but true stuff

Oh, and how can I forget my major news source: The Onion (and no, it's not "true", but sometimes it's really hard to tell -- which tells you how weird our planet is). And if you like that, you might be amused by another realistic-looking spoof site: The White House, for your up to the minute political news.

Last one -- less topical, but still remarkably funny after all these years (no idea when they first did this stuff, but back in the dawn time, eh?) -- Monty Python's scripts. Of course, these are only funny to read if you know their stuff really well (I imagine). I mean, when I read them, I have the visual images passing across my mental TV screen. I'm not sure how it would be if you didn't know them.

Anyway ... better stop now. This has really taken a while (because I've been dipping into the stuff as I pick up the links!). Hope I've spread a little lightness and joy. It's cheered me up, anyway.

I wanted to cry

Leanne took me to see her grandmother the other day; that's why I haven't blogged the last few days. I guess I needed time to ... put it behind me. I mean, I'm pleased she trusts me enough to do that ... well, part of me's pleased, the other part's kinda freaked out. Taking a boyfriend to visit your sick grandmother, that says something. Doesn't it? I mean, I'm not looking for a lifetime partner yet. But I don't want to piss her off by saying that. Whatever I said, I'd be screwed. I'm probably misreading the whole situation anyway.

That wasn't what I wanted to talk about. Hey, I didn't even know that was bugging me until now -- I guess they're right about this whole get your thoughts down on paper thing.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about was her grandmother. She's in a home. God, that was depressing in itself. I mean, it was a nice place, not a dump, but ... all those old, out-of-it folks, sitting there staring into space.

Her gran's got Alzheimer's. We sat with her a while. She didn't know Leanne. Mostly she just sat there. Every now and then she'd say something, a word, a phrase, completely out of left field. After a while Leanne got a book out, one of those big coffee table books. It was full of pictures of cats. She put it on her gran's lap and turned the pages, and the old lady brightened up, and every now and then she'd point to one of the pictures and say something random.

Leanne cried when we left. Hell, I didn't even know the lady, and I wanted to cry.

thoughts of death

The new Harry Potter got me thinking about death. Again. (No, I'm not going to say anything else about H.P., except that I enjoyed it, and I await the next one impatiently -- I don't know how to talk about it without giving away too much of the plot.)

Anyway ... death.

Everyone goes through a stage of thinking about it, I guess. Adolescent angst. Then I guess most of us put it out of our minds until someone we know dies, or we feel the first twinges of mortality. I haven't, quite, got out of the adolescent angst stage yet, I guess.

It's funny, I've never really been afraid of death -- not in itself, if you know what I mean. I alway figured, when you died, you'd be dead, so ... you wouldn't be feeling anything, is my point. It's being left behind, when someone you love dies, that always scared me. Not that there were a lot of people contending for that honor. Only one, actually. But every now and then I'd think of my brother dying, and it would freak me out.

Now ... it's funny, but he still keeps me alive. I mean, when we were kids he kept me alive because I had someone who cared about me. That was enough, y'know? But it never occurred to me it went two ways. I never thought that it would matter to him if I was dead or alive.

That sounds stupid, when I've just said I knew he cared about me. But I don't mean I didn't think it would matter to him, I meant ... that I simply never thought about it. You know kids, self-obsessed. Now I know how devastated he would be, and that makes me want to be alive.

God that sounds suicidal. I don't mean it like that. I want to be alive; I've been suicidal and I'm a very long way from that. I'm happy, really happy right now. It's just ... I don't know, I guess I'm trying to say that I care more for being alive for my brother's sake than I do for my own, although I'm perfectly happy.

That sounds screwed-up, doesn't it? Story of my life.

magic in the world

Nearly the big day -- the day the next Harry Potter comes out, I mean. Can I just say I think the hype is ridiculous. Also, I'm looking forward to reading it when it comes out (and yes, of course, I've read all the others).

I know why I like the books; I'm not sure why so many other people do. There must be a lot of unhappy childhoods out there, or maybe it says that, for most people, they wish childhood could have been more magical. What do you think?

We all want more magic in the world. That sounds right, actually. Although noone seems to consider that if there was magic, other people could use it on us. I mean, if you think you lack control in your life now, just wait and see what it would be like in a magical world! I guess, like everything else, we want magic on our own terms.

I remember reading a scifi short story once; it was about this guy who goes to a psychiatrist because he's worried about his dreams. It turns out that the world is what he's dreaming -- if he dreams changes, then the changes happen in the real world. I think I've got that right; it was a long time ago. Anyway, the reason I remember it is because I think we're all like that in a way. We all think the world revolves around us -- not in the sense of being hugely egotistical, but like a child who believes what his parents do is all his fault. You don't have to believe that you're the sun and moon to believe that what you do has consequences; that what happens to you is all your fault. We really aren't designed to believe that life's random.

Yeah, I'm doing it again, aren't I? Assuming other people are all like me. Okay, some people do act as if life is random; they're the ones who are totally screwed up. So, maybe, it's a really important lie we need to tell ourselves.

rat dreams

I wonder what rats dream about? You know, if you cage them communally, they all pile up on top of each other to sleep. It's quite endearing really. I guess they're social like us. Maybe, if we didn't have all those cultural inhibitions, we'd sleep communally too. I mean, sleeping is pretty scary really, isn't it? You're vulnerable to predators, and bad dreams.

I wonder if rats have bad dreams? No reason why humans should have a monopoly. I mean, if animals dream, why not have bad dreams? No one who owns a dog doubts that dogs dream, although I haven't been around one enough to say whether they ever have nightmares.

They don't teach us stuff like that. I mean, I know I'm only pre-Vet, but I'm pretty damn sure they never talk about animals dreaming. And if they do, I bet they don't talk about counselling for nightmares!

I was looking at the lab rats I look after and for some reason I started thinking about that sleep paralysis thing I was talking about yesterday. And I thought, if it's a brain glitch, why shouldn't other animals have it? They wouldn't load all the cultural interpretations on it that we do, so I wonder what they think about it? Maybe they do have a mythology -- the demon dog that comes and sits on them!

Okay, I need to hit the sack; I think my brain's running away with me (now there's an interesting mental image). Night all.

really quite normal

Have you ever woken up at night with the terrifying feeling that someone's in your room, or even worse, whispering in your ear, or crushing your chest? [I'm not talking about people you share with!]

I get that from time to time. I always assumed it was ... well, let's just say, leftover trauma, okay? But I fell over this site that talked about sleep paralysis (yeah, yeah, I know, gotta stop this random surfing, it really sucks up the hours), and there was all this stuff about it like it was this really common experience, maybe the origin of a lot of myths and legends -- evil spirits, ghosts, demons, witches, space aliens ... All because of this glitch our brain gets quite often, when it's dreaming. I found this recent article on it too.

Always nice to discover your weird experiences are really quite normal, eh?

destroying America's supremacy in research

I have to say, the time I've spent on learning the Kalevala has definitely paid off! I told you Leanne was impressed -- really impressed, as it turned out. I think somehow, in some way I'm not going to delve into, I scored points (BIG points) for her against her friend. So, definite motivation there to continue my training! (I do it when I'm running; in the shower; waiting for things ... -- so it doesn't really impinge on any productive time).

Anyway, to more important matters. I read this article in the news today; really slayed me. Apparently this zoo in Tulsa was getting aggro from the local creationists about not having "alternative" theories of creation on display alongside the stuff that referred to evolution (oh sorry, thought we were supposed to provide factual information, us being a zoo ...). Anywhere the zoo caved (wimps), but, the creationists pushed their luck, and claimed that a statue of the elephant-headed god Ganesh at the elephant house showed an anti-Christian bias. So -- and here's where the zoo earned back their stripes -- the zoo then said if they were going to provide alternative theories, they better give equal time to other creation stories! Of course there are hundreds. Upshot is, no creation stories after all.

It's terrifying, though, the inroads the "creationist" lobby have made into the minds of Americans (at least the rest of the world is a bit more educated). It does say something about the terrible state of education in the country. It doesn't seem to get through to most people that if you accept creationism you have to throw away all the biological discoveries of the last 150 years, including the medical ones. Think about it, a lot of medical research is based on animal experiments; they're based on the idea that humans are related to other animals. And, wow, what do you know -- it works!

do bards get more girls?

I had a fun experience today. Carla was with Leanne when I hooked up with her. She asked me how I was going with my "bardic training" (making it sound like a joke, right? but I know a sneer when I hear one). I launched right into

"Mastered by desire impulsive,
By a mighty inward urging,
I am ready now for singing,
Ready to begin the chanting ...",

and went on for -- hang on, let me count them --115 lines!! That's the introduction.

Oh yeah, that was cool. She tried to look like she was unimpressed, but I could see she was pretty damn stunned. And Leanne was definitely impressed. So, score 2 for the bard!

to change or not to change?

I was just reading this article about a new trend for couples to combine their surnames together when they marry, rather than one taking the other's, or both keeping their own. I'm not talking about hyphenating (you get some really clunky names that way, eh?). This is actually combining the two names together and coming up with a brand new one.

I can see the whole equal partnership, non-patriarchal thing, but (not being a woman), that's not my big interest. It's the name change thing that interests me.

You don't have to get married to change your name, y'know. There's kids whose mother remarries and they take the new dad's name, but I wasn't thinking of that, either. I was just thinking of ... well, people getting to an age when they can legally change their name, and ... changing it. For whatever reason.

Okay, because they reject their parents. I mean, that's what it's all about, isn't it? Why would anyone change their name unless it was a way of getting back at, or severing the connection to, their parents?

Well, there was that episode on Friends when the nutcase (Phoebe) decides to change her name to something or other Banana-Hammock -- but she's wacko, and anyway, that's on TV.

I guess, if you had a really embarrassing name, you might want to change it.

So maybe there's lots of reasons to change your name, but ...

I'm thinking of changing my name. And I'm not wacko (that's maybe arguable), not getting married, don't have an embarrassing name ...

Yeah, well. It's a tough decision.

weird but true

Years ago, when I was just a kid (okay, not all that many years ago), I came across this rather tatty book at a street market. It was really cheap, and I bought it on a whim, I don't know why. Maybe it was the rain of frogs reference on the cover -- I remember being quite intrigued by that (hey, I was only a kid).

The book was by a Charles Fort and it was called "The Book of the Damned" -- which sounds a lot more spooky than it is. Actually, it was fun. Fort was this guy around the turn of the century (the previous one; ie he was born in the 19th century), and he took exception to how dogmatic scientists could be about things, and so he gathered together all these weird events that couldn't be explained by the science of his day (I don't think the scientists of our day could do any better, either!).

So we've got reports of rains of frogs and cases of spontaneous combustions and stuff like that. He's actually been called the father of modern skepticism and noone's ever denied he was smart, and a lot of the book is pretty funny.

Anyway, I mention all this because, I haven't thought of this book for years, no idea what happened to it, but something reminded me of it the other day and whimsically I Googled him, and lo and behold! his work lives on. I mean I knew he became a sort of cult figure, but there you go, there's actually a thriving (?) magazine based on his stuff, called the Fortean Times, and it's got a website with articles and breaking news. I mean this is definitely head and shoulders above tabloid stuff, where they just make stuff up, the weirder the better. Like, they reference an article in a British paper about marathon swimmers who are going to swim in Loch Ness being insured against bites from the Loch Ness monster. And on this particular day, in 1975, a family was watching the movie of the Titanic (an earlier one, duh) and just as the ship crashed into the iceberg, a giant block of ice fell through their roof!

Anyway, its kind fun, if you're bored.

who'd have thought -- it's a buzz

I've learned 46 lines! Out of ... No, I utterly refuse to work out how many lines there are. One verse at a time, that's the way.

But I'm kinda impressed with that 46 lines; I didn't realize how many it was until I counted them just now. And it's ... sort of addictive. I mean, I haven't spent a huge amount of time on this (God knows I don't have the time, although, okay, I have a damn sight more time right now than I'll have when school gets back), but ... I thought it would be more of a chore than it is. I thought it would just be my stubbornness, okay, my desire to show Carla (and maybe Leanne too) that I can do this thing (that I can do anything? Okay, now we're being egotistical).

Anyway, it turns out that it's actually quite fun. I don't know if it's just the memorizing or whether it's tied up with the ancient history of the piece, but I'm actually getting a kick out of this. And I'm curious about the rest of the poem ("ancient folk-song", "oldest folk-lore") but I'm utterly determined not to read ahead. It's my incentive to learn more. Although I'm not sure I need it. Like I say, it's a buzz.

I don't know whether I'll do the whole thing, like I told Carla; I'm not thinking about that. I reckon I'd just be overwhelmed and just give up. Like I say, one verse at a time, no looking ahead. Anyway, I'm pretty sure if I just knock off the first rune, she'll be pretty damn impressed. And then ... we'll see how it goes.

I must have been mad

I swear to you, sometimes I have no idea who speaks out of my mouth!

I was talking to a couple of Leanne's girlfriends -- they're both Arts students, taking stuff like English and Anthro and History ... Anyway, I don't think this had anything to do with her subjects; this was her own obsession, but one of them was going on (and on) about how bards and "primitive people" used to memorize great long screeds of verse and genealogies and histories and myths and I don't know what else. I think it was the "primitive people" that got me; I've always really hated that label. Like they're inferior, less "evolved" than us because they didn't do things the way we do.

Anyway, somehow, I still don't know how, I ended up betting her I could learn the Kalevala. No, you're not expected to know what it is; I'd never heard of it until she started spouting off about it. Apparently it's the great Finnish national epic. She was going on about Beowulf and Homer and the Edda and I don't know what else, as well, but the little bit of this epic she quoted sounded easy. It's got that Longfellow rhythm -- listen (read it aloud), here's the first bit (I got it off the Web):

Golden friend, and dearest brother,
Brother dear of mine in childhood,
Come and sing with me the stories,
Come and chant with me the legends,
Legends of the times forgotten,
Since we now are here together,
Come together from our roamings.
Seldom do we come for singing,
Seldom to the one, the other,
O'er this cold and cruel country,
O'er the poor soil of the Northland.

But I've only copied the intro and first "Rune" onto my computer, and that ran ten pages -- and there are 50 Runes!

I must have been mad.

recipe for the day

In the past couple of years I've discovered cooking for fun. I've been cooking my whole life, but I did it because I had to up till then, and ... let's just say, not the pleasantest associations. But then my life changed, and I didn't have to cook anymore and ... well, it's kinda weird, but I started cooking because I wanted to. In the beginning I did it because I wanted to "give back", as they say. But I like food; hell, I love food. And cooking became something else, not a chore, but a fun thing.

All of which is a long way of saying, today I'm going to share a recipe!

This is one of those breakfast in a shake type things, although you don't have to have it at breakfast. In fact, I like to have it late in the afternoon, or late at night, or ... well, any old time, actually.

The instructions are very simple: you put everything in a blender and blend the hell out of it. I've actually got, I don't know what it is, it's a chopping blade on a stick kinda thing, so you can blend the stuff right in the container you're going to drink out of (not a glass - I have this big plastic beaker that came with the blender thing).

Ok, here we go. What you put in: frozen blueberries, about a cup (I don't measure anything); pecan nuts (they're good nuts for this because they're so soft, they blend well); a hunk of cream cheese; some maple syrup; tinned fruit (I use peaches or pears); almond milk (how much depends on how thick you like it; sometimes I like to eat it with a spoon; sometimes I want it thin enough to drink. If there's no almond milk around, use ground almonds and straight milk).

There you go -- healthy, nutritious, easy, and damn good!