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Jerome K. Jerome
We are very fond of pineapple, all three of us. We looked at the picture on the tin; we thought of the juice. We smiled at one another, and Harris got a spoon ready.
Then we looked for the knife to open the tin with. We turned out everything in the hamper. We turned out the bags. We pulled up the boards at the bottom of the boat. We took everything out onto the bank and shook it. There was no tin-opener to be found.
Then Harris tried to open the tin with a pocket-knife, and broke the knife and cu himself badly; and George tried a pair of scissors, and the scissors flew up, and nearly put his eye out. While they were dressing their wounds, I tried to make a hole in the thing with the spiky end of the hitcher, and the hitcher slipped and jerked me out between the boat and the bank into two feet of muddy water, and the tin rolled over, uninjured, and broke a teacup.
Then we all got mad. We took that tin out on the bank, and Harris went up into a field and got a big sharp stone, and I went back into the boat and brought out the mast, and George held the tin and Harris held the sharp end of his stone against the top of it, and I took the mast and poised it high in the air, and gathered up all my strength and brought it down.
It was George's straw hat that saved his life that day. He keeps that hat now (what is left of it), and, of a winter's evening, when the pipes are lit and the boys are telling stretchers about the dangers they have passed through, George brings it down and shows it round, and the stirring tale is told anew, with fresh exaggerations every time.
Harris got off with merely a flesh wound.
(from Three Men in a Boat)
Okay, Three Men in a Boat - Jerome's best known work - is about a hundred years old. And you know what's amazing? It's still hilarious. I remember painstakingly copying out an excerpt into my exercise book way back when I was at school (dawn of time stuff!) and still, when I read the book again, no matter how many times I've read it, it cracks me up. There are odd bits you have to skip - the man was a Victorian (as in, lived in the time of Queen Victoria), and he had some compulsion to occasionally go off into some long moralistic description, just to show he really wasn't as frivolous as all that - but trust me, he was! And thank goodness!
And if you realize that it has never been out of print in 115 years, you realize there's got to be something to be said for it!
But also worth reading:
Three Men on the Bummel
Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Click on the book covers to go to Amazon and find out more about these books
There's others as well, but they're a little more difficult to get hold of.
You can actually read Three Men in A Boat and Idle Thoughts online at: http://jerome.thefreelibrary.com/



